I’m not really crying, at least not at this very minute. I have however cried the past two weeks while driving to work, driving home from work, on my lunch break, while hiking, while cooking, in the shower, sitting at my desk, and even resorted to crying myself to sleep a couple of times.
I should mention I hate crying. It makes me feel like a complete emotional, out-of-control mess, which honestly sums up how I am feeling. I feel out of control of my life. Like NOTHING is going how I want and I feel stuck on idle, but in the meantime everyone else’s life is moving on.
Excuse my while I go grab some tissues…
Everyone else is having babies, getting engaged, planning weddings, going out on dates, starting new jobs, advancing in their current jobs and over all just having a “better” life than what I feel I’m currently experiencing. Yes, I’m having a serious case of “woe is me”, so please bear with me and my brief ranting, because I’m sure you’ve been in a similar point in your life.
I very much feel like I am the ONLY single women without any relationship prospects in sight, who works for peanuts, pays too much for rent, and while I have a fun new job, don’t see it being a long-term solution to my financial issues, am pre-maturally greying and the fact that I actually want to get a cat terrifies me because it might actually mean that I’ve given up and just want to be the weird cat lady… at 30 years old—end melodramatic rant.
Yes, in reality, I know I’m being completely ridiculous, but somehow my emotions beg to differ. So after talking to my friends, family and even strangers, it became obvious I am not the ONLY person who has felt like nothing is going right (or at least fast enough) at some point in their life. So while my rational brain can wrap around this fact, my emotions are still not cooperating.
After walking for about 3 miles last night, it became clear that my emotions stemmed from pure frustration, with myself. Nothing to do with other people and their lives. Then I remembered my New Years resolution; To be more gentle and loving with myself.
Comparing my life to others and what I have or don’t have is not being loving or gentle to myself. It was making me feel inadequate and like I was missing out on something. No wonder I was feeling so emotional! I mean life can be hard enough never mind adding self inflicted stress by comparing your every move to other people.
At this point, I have already cried myself a river, so now just need to build a bridge to get to the other side. I know it will take some time but I also know that with the tools and resources I have, I will build a bridge that will not only over come any obstacle, but that will lead me directly to my heart’s desires. Remembering to be gentle and loving with the process and myself will ensure the best possible outcomes!
Off to gather some tools and supplies!
Love and Light,